Self-sacrifice is a human action that is often looked at favorably. The act is often pursued in order to help someone else. It could be something as simple a sharing a meal, or as serious as sacrificing your own life for another's. As noble as such causes seem, there are many instances where sacrifice simply isn't necessary in order to help someone, unless you include something as small as sacrificing time. There are many instances where the illusion of helpfulness is created, and both parties may fall under this spell.
A good example of this is a person inconveniencing oneself for the sake of another when the only effect is an emotional one for the other party. In other words, an act of self-sacrifice that may be appreciated, but is wholly unnecessary if the other person can cope on their own. For example, a woman decides to go gluten-free, due to health issues, and her husband decides to follow suit. What are the benefits of this? The wife may somehow feel that her burden has been lessened when the husband undergoes the same troubles, but her life does not actually improve. Her meals do not change, so having someone else who is also limited in what they can eat does not make a difference. They will likely be sharing many gluten-free meals anyway, and going to restaurants that offer the right selection of food. The only exception is when there is a lack of storage space.
All the husband is doing by pursuing this lifestyle is reducing the flexibility of his consumption, especially when his wife is not around. There may be long-term health benefits, but it is likely not something the man would pursue alone. This self-sacrifice is a form of emotional support through the bearing of an artificial (self-created) burden. It can also be a tool to understand the plight of another, creating empathy. But the husband should be capable of empathy beforehand, and the wife should not be so childish as to require others to experience her own burdens. While one may think this reduces the number of cravings in the house, it still keeps the husband from enjoying things he loves inside and outside the house. Finally, if the wife is empathetic, she would feel bad for her husband who does not really have to sacrifice things he likes. In other words, this self-sacrifice can be seen as an increase in the suffering of both parties. All the husband really has to do to alleviate the suffering of his wife is buy a greater variety of things she can eat. His own consumption does not harm her, so it does not need to be adjusted.
There are a few things that can be concluded from the above, and a few more points I would like to add.
1. Self-sacrifice is not all that necessary if the only gain is short-term emotional support, especially if there are other means of helping the other party.
2. Self-sacrifice is unnecessary for the sake of empathy. Though it may act as a means of better understanding another party, it would never be attempted unless some form of empathy or caring existed in the first place. It is especially fruitless if it does not directly help someone else.
3. Service should not be confused with self-sacrifice. Service is a form of love shown to another through the giving of time and energy. Sacrifice, as a form of hampering one's own life, does not produce the same level of spiritual growth that service does. Service should not hurt the giver, nor is it usually an unfair trade in the long-run. Plus, God loves both parties equally, thus desiring the best for both. Self-sacrifice rarely acts as a fair trade. Either one party is helped far more than the other, one party is helped superficially, or there is just increased suffering for one more party – increasing the total suffering of the entire group.
4. The value of self-sacrifice should be analyzed before it is attempted (think cost-benefit analysis). It should not be pursued when the joint suffering of all parties increases. Naturally, the values of the individual are important here, as an analysis of the situation will not help a negative person make a positive decision.
5. If the sacrifice does not reach the intended result, or the effects wane over time, the person should be free to cease the activity. People should not fear stopping an activity which has little benefit for anyone. People perceive such things as a form of abandonment, betrayal or a lack of commitment. None of these instances are true, as it is merely the human pursuing what works best as time passes.
6. Self-sacrifice can be seen as a noble gesture, but is wasted upon those who would not value it. One should not have to sacrifice something for the sake of the ungrateful.
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